Becoming a mom....

A lot of people have quite the different experience than I did when they first become a parent but I know that the direction my opportunity to become a mom came from is one of the greatest blessings in my life. If I had a chance to do it over again I wouldn't change a thing.
Some of you might not know my story, some of you might but here is a piece of my puzzle in my words.....
When I met my husband, Darrin, our son, Jackson, was almost 2 months old. His biological mother had moved him away across the state and Darrin was making every effort to see him every other weekend in Salt Lake if she would allow it. He would travel to Sandy and meet her at a gas station off of the freeway and stay with his sister because Jackson's mother refused to travel. Darrin was paying $300 every 2 weeks in child support (which he was not required to pay as there was no court order to determine custody) and was travelling about 600 miles every other weekend to have 48 hours, if that, with his baby boy.
I didn't even get to meet Jackson until he was almost 4 months old because of this arrangement and conflicting work schedules. The first time I met him was so special. I could tell how tender hearted he was and what a sweet spirit he had. And boy was he a daddy's boy. (He still is most days but sometimes I win that battle.) I got to hold him and play with him and Darrin even let me feed him. At this point in my life I had taken care of numerous children of all ages and was a nanny for my sister and her husband. I was great with kids, have been my entire life. Well that just wasn't enough for Darrin. That man wouldn't let me hold his boy for more than 5 minutes, was afraid to leave him alone, and just couldn't relax. Apparently he still needed to adjust to being a daddy. Lol. We had Jackson for 2 days though so as the weekend progressed Darrin relaxed a little more into letting me have a little more space with the sweet boy. I instantly bonded with him. I even got him to smile for me. It was right then I knew that I had found my family. I would never have admitted it then but I can now. :-)
I was so attached to that sweet face, and his sweet daddy. All was right with the world in that moment.
It was special for me for so many reasons. A large part because of my past. I got pregnant when I was 16 and miscarried. Even though I didn't know my baby, it was still a part of me and losing it was one of the hardest things I ever went through. It was painful on an emotional, spiritual and physical level. I was young. I didn't know how to deal with or even begin to understand those emotions I was going through, and the added hormones weren't helping. I was struggling with my own family, my biological father basically disowned me and my mom and step dad just didn't know how to deal with me. I think they were shocked their straight A, honor roll student was in trouble. I went to my brother and his sweet wife for all the help I needed. They helped me through one of my darkest periods and I can never thank them enough for that.
Meeting Jackson filled a hole in my heart that I didn't even know I had. The bond I have with my sweet boy could never be broken no matter what happens. And heaven knows it hasn't been easy.
I have been through more fears and emotions since he's been in my life than I ever thought possible in such a short time. We've been through him being sick and not gaining weight, to him being addicted to methamphetamines and living on the street with his biological mother, to her kidnapping him, through an ugly custody battle and finally to some peace and stability.
I would never change what it took to have him in my life. I would never do it over again. Him and Darrin are all I've ever looked for. I had a pretty good example for a step parent and I'll always strive to be better and stronger for him.
There will be days he hates me.
There will be days he tells me I'm not his mom.
There will be days he'll wish I was his only mom.
It will be hard.

But boy am I lucky....

A family of 3

So it's been a while since I had a blog and since Darrin doesn't do things like this, I figured this would be a good way to journal things going on in our lives for people in a more personal way than facebook. So this is the story of us. In pieces. :-)
Darrin and I met in Feb of 2010. Jackson was almost 2 months old and I had just moved back to St. George to help nanny for my sister Danielle and her husband Rob, for their first child. A super spunky boy named Kai. Who I love dearly, and have an incredible bond with. We met through a mutual friend and right off the bat he was honest about his situation with his son, Jackson. 2 months old, not a great relationship with the biological mother, and needless to say things were a mess for him. But boy did he love and adore his baby boy. He only got to see him every other weekend because the mother had taken him to live up north away from everyone. Darrin was heartbroken and me being the fixer that I am was sympathetic.
Darrin worked up the nerve to ask me on a date and so about a week or so after we met we went out on our first date. It was a BLAST!!! We had so much in common and were totally at ease right off the bat and darn it if I didn't love him already.
Things progressed and I melded into his family and became a part of it quickly. I loved Jackson the second I held that sweet boy in my arms and it grows each day. My boys are absolutely the light of my life. It's been a rough road...(more on that later)....but I wouldn't change a thing.
So now we're a happy family of 3 working on bringing it all together. Enjoy!